From Poetic Puns, 1912
The portrait tumbled from the wall
And hit the young man’s head
“A striking likeness!” That was all
The rueful punster said.
I met a goat, and said to him,
“The question, pray, excuse,
Why do you always wag your chin?”
Quoth he, “Because I chews.”
You never hear the bee complain,
Nor hear it weep or wail;
But if it wish, it can unfold
A very painful tail.
Sweet cupid is a marksman poor
Despite his love and kisses;
For though he always hits the mark,
He’s always making Mrs.
“I wish,” he said, “you could make pies
Like mother used to bake.”
“And I,” said she, “wish that you made
The dough pa used to make.”
He called his young wife Birdie, but
It never gave her thrills.
She knew he called her that because
She had so many bills.
Willie to the circus went,
He thought it was immense;
His little heart went pitter-pat
For the excitement was in tents.
“These sharp detective officers,”
Said Giggles to his wife,
“Are very like variety–
They are the spies of life.”